The Secrets to a Successful Marriage

The Pandemic of Marriage Problems

As our world has struggled through a global pandemic, it’s important to know there’s an ever greater pandemic in the world — and that is over marriage.

There are sicknesses, problems, and issues in our marriages. Marriage is the foundation of our culture. Now and then our culture will address the marriage problem, but marriage isn’t supported heavily outside the church for the most part. God has a plan and purpose for marriage that is great and abundant. However, the enemy also has a plan to thwart the gift and the blessings of God. 

Is your marriage having problems? Keep reading!

Use Your Senses for a Successful Marriage

I want to share with you the seven senses of marriage. Many times, we use our senses reflexively, instead of intentionally. Today, I opened my eyes and saw my wife, Lisa. I heard my cat, Meow-Meow. I smelled the wonderful breakfast that Lisa prepared. I tasted the food. I felt anxiety and excitement as I was preparing for today. Reflexively I kissed Lisa on the forehead. Just this morning, I used all my senses, hearing, touching, seeing, feeling, and smelling. 

How about we do a census on our senses. If you’re willing to do the work in your marriage, it will be better and stronger. 

Great Marriages Reflect the Gospel of Jesus

When we get married, a husband loses his “bachelor’s” degree and a wife gains her “master’s” degree. Marriage is not the easiest thing, but it can become the greatest thing when we’re willing to put forth the effort. Marriage is about the gospel of Jesus Christ. And even if you’re not a Christian, there is a ton of truth and principles you can learn from the Gospel that applies to your marriage. 

Marriage is the only relationship that mirrors God’s relationship with His people. The gospel is about the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In marriage, there needs to be a death to self, a burial, and a resurrection. 

We have an opportunity to tap into that resurrection power, the only power that can give us unconditional love through our marriage. We have an opportunity to reflect on the gospel through the power of Christ.

Does your marriage reflect Jesus?  

Marriage is a picture, an image, a mirror of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It illustrates God’s love for his people in human form. When we look to Jesus, we see the gospel. When people look at your marriage and my marriage, they should see Jesus. It’s easy to say but it’s very difficult on the rugged plains of reality. 

3 Secrets of a Successful Marriage

Marriage is about vision. We all want to be good-looking, but I want you to spend time getting good at looking. Where you look will determine whether or not your marriage will succeed. Where are you getting your cues when it comes to marriage?

I want you to use your eyes to:

1. Look upward for a successful marriage

That’s the first thing that will bring a successful marriage. I have a painting of Jesus in my house that I did years ago. I see this painting a lot. And of course, being a frustrated artist, I like to critique the painting every now and again- dreaming of changing this or that. With the way the painting is positioned and the way I sit in my chair in my office, I’m always looking up into the eyes of Jesus. That is where marriage happens.

Lisa and I have gone through five of the eight markers of divorce during our 40 years of marriage, and we didn’t even know it. How do we get through it? One word, Jesus. Looking upward.

Psalm 5:3 (NLV), “In the morning, O Lord, you’ll hear my voice. In the morning I will lay my prayers before You and will look up.” When I look to Jesus, I’m going to see the perspective of marriage beyond what I can get my brain around- outside of Him.

We have a retina in our eyes. When we use the retina, the world is upside down. As an image is filtered through our brain, our brain turns it right side up. The mind of Christ puts things right side up. When we have Christ’s perspective in our lives, when we have the mind of Christ, when we’ve acquiesced to Jesus Christ, our perspective changes. Our culture is seeing things upside down. We shouldn’t expect any more.

Looking up gives us power. When we look up, we tap into the power of the Holy Spirit of God who gives us the ability, even in the middle of conflict, to look to the cross. As we see how readily we’ve been forgiven, it should rush us to forgive our spouse.

Marriage is more about commitment than comfort. It’s more about sacredness than satisfaction. It’s more about faith than feelings. It’s more about devotion than delight. It’s more about God than gratification. It’s more about worship than wants. It’s more about your spouse than yourself. It’s more about submission than selfishness. It’s more about purity than power. It’s more about the gospel than gladness. It’s more about holiness than happiness. You can have those in marriage, but those aren’t the main things. Look at God’s definition of marriage. That’s the first thing when it comes to using your eyes. Why are you married? It’s about Jesus. It’s about the gospel.

2. Look inward for a successful marriage 

Another way we can use our eyes is to look inward. 

2 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT), “Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves…“

We have a vision for so many things, work, for our children, for a vision, for a house. Do we regularly think about God’s vision for marriage because when we look up only God gives us the opportunity and the ability to look in. It’s called being self-aware. 

There is no way you’re going to be self-aware unless you see yourself the way Jesus sees you. Because in marriage, when you look into your spouse’s eyes, reflected back is who you really are.

We spend all this money on sports, entertainment, trips, and lessons, but far too often do we miss out on investing in marriage and working on the most important human relationship on planet Earth.

3. Look outward for a successful marriage

The Bible says in Philippians 2:3-4 (NLT), “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.“

What is your perspective when you look at marriage? I remember several years ago, a wealthy lady wanted me to speak on this island in the British West Indies. We stayed with her on the compound, in a room with a 360-degree view of the ocean.  That’s the kind of view that God wants for you and your marriage. He wants us to have His perspective. Marriage is not the easiest thing, but it can become the greatest thing, if you’re willing to work.

A Prayer for Marriage

Say this prayer with me: “Jesus, thank you for what you’ve done for us. I thank you for marriage. I thank you for your death, burial, and resurrection. It’s my prayer that we would say to husbands and wives, I want to die to myself. I want to bury my selfishness, my chicanery, my pride. And God, I want a new power which comes from you, Jesus, a resurrection power operative in my life. It’s my prayer that any decision we make in marriage would be reflective, God, of your glorious gospel. I pray, Lord, that we would walk with you and use our eyes to look up and in and out. For Christ’s sake, we pray. Amen.”

We recommend you do these things right now:

1. Talk to your spouse and tell him/her that you love them and want to get on the right track. If you’re a Christian, perhaps you could even pray together. You will be amazed at what God will do if you invite Him into your marriage. You both need to make a commitment that you want a healthier marriage. 
2. Seek help. Find a counselor. We have resources to help you. Click here.
3. Join a small group. This should be a high priority so you can surround yourself with other couples who will help you.   
4. Attend church. Going to church every weekend will be massive for your spiritual growth and your marriage. God doesn’t want something from your marriage. He wants something for your marriage and being in church is part of the anchor. 
5. Get to work. Don’t just talk about wanting to heal your marriage. Instead, actually do the hard work, together.